‘Nuff already! It’s a needless soccer trend.
Despite staying in great shape, many of today’s professional soccer players lack the commensurate toughness to match. They are even more prone to hit the turf in an exaggerated wipeout than an NFL kicker who pretends to tackle a rampaging opponent during a kick return.
Vests, you say? (photo courtesy of Kinexon Sports)
The sports bras they wear do nothing to detract from the perception of their emasculation. Technically, they are called “vests,” but they are the spitting image of the bra U.S. international Brandi Chastain provocatively revealed after winning the women’s World Cup Final in 1999.
In celebratory delight, she bared a bra that must have inspired the design of what the male players now wear. Unfortunately, they aren’t shy about revealing it after scoring a goal.
The men don’t have buxom bosoms. Instead, the vests-cum-bras they slip into contain special technological pods that track performance metrics such as speed, distance covered, heart rate, etc. The GPS pods embedded in the bras are very small and unobtrusive.
Nevertheless, they are unsightly and unbecoming, so keep your shirt on, lad.
With minimal miniaturization, they’d easily fit in an armband, which soccer players are accustomed to wearing when they show remorse for a fallen comrade (for example, captains wear them all the time).
In soccer, a goal is rarely scored. When it finally happens, understandable relief turns into jubilation. Indeed, referees should indulge the celebrations, rather than show a yellow card for natural human exuberance, with this exception: card the heck out of exhibitionist players who reveal an effeminate sports bra.
Let the empowered ladies, à la Brandi, delight us with those cele-bra-tions.
