I’m ready to return for more Billions, but I don’t get the chance. There is no Day Four.
For the shoot’s final day, call time is late, just before noon. But noon doesn’t feel like noon anymore. What day is it? What time? One of the female Backgrounders crashed in a hotel lobby rather than waste four hours commuting. When they kicked her out of one venue, she just migrated to another. Anyway, LL Cool J shows up more than an hour late. He does as he pleases.
When we arrive on set, someone important declares that they just want to “knock it out,” implying that we’ll be done at a reasonable hour. I’m hopeful. Production also tells us that we’re ahead of schedule, which surprises me. We shoot some “montage sequences” as well as some other stuff. Frankly, I’m not certain.
As Background, I’m on a need-to-know basis. And all is a blur. A professional poker player, Joe Malkin, whom I never heard of before a few days ago, shows up on set with a humongous man, a member of the New York Giants. At one point, Damian Lewis approaches my group of Background as we lounge on some couches, struggling to stay conscious. “Hey guys…” he begins. I’m not sure what else he said exactly. I’ve been ordered repeatedly to never utter a syllable to principal actors, so when they approach, it’s super awkward.
I’ve been muted.
Apparently, Damian, who seems very friendly, misplaced something–his phone, perhaps. I don’t know where his phone is, and I can’t manage a reply. This crew has ordered me to not utter a word for two days straight, and I just can’t handle being posed a question by the show’s lead. I spot makeup touching up LL Cool J’s bald head. Male Background don’t get makeup unless they’re bald. Meanwhile, Asia Kate Dillon continues to be super approachable and friendly. No, I can’t say the same for myself.
Phil Hellmuth (photo courtesy WBGO)
After lunch (or was it dinner?), the PAs tell us that some important people are hanging out, playing poker. Of course, we are also told we shouldn’t even think about participating. Damian Lewis, Brian Koppelman and poker legend Phil Hellmuth are among the players. Two days ago, I had a brief conversation with Phil. “I’m playing myself,” he told me.
Phil was cool. Anyway, we – the Background peasants – sit and watch.
As I imagine that I’m a Medieval court jester, others cheer them on. I don’t. WHAT HAPPENED TO KNOCKING THIS OUT? Fast Times at Ridgemont High’s Sean Penn’s character, Jeff Spicoli, is in my head: “I’ve been thinking about this, Mr. Hand. If I’m here and you’re here, doesn’t that make it OUR time?”
Sure, I’m “on the clock, but…. Of course, Orson Wells can’t tell these big shots to shut it down. He must let the players play. It’s their sandbox. Orson has been emasculated. He emasculated Full Metal Jacket, and now it’s his turn.
LL Cool J (photo courtesy The Daily Beast)
I think they fed us again at around 7 pm, but I can’t be certain. Adrian Grenier is officially no longer smiling. He claims illness and goes home. Meanwhile, LL Cool J has gone missing. As usual, he does what he wants. After chow, the Krakow crew stays in Holding. Of course, I have no idea why.
We finally get to set around 10, probably later. I do some crosses. By now, some of the women have removed their heels, as they just can’t take the pain anymore. They’re walking the ballroom in sandals or socks. Who decided that women should wear stilts anyway? When Wardrobe spots heelless women, they order them to heel up immediately or else.
They wrap most of the background at 1 am – but not Krakow’s crew. They’re shooting in Edison’s balcony, but we’re not in the balcony. I’m clueless. I’m just wandering and wondering what’s going on. I think they’re keeping us for “just in case.”
When I’m finally freed after 2 am, it’s not a Shawshank Redemption moment. I’ve been turned. I’m part of the Krakow cult.
I’m ready to return for more Billions. I promise that I’ll turn the place over, looking for Damian’s phone. But I don’t get the chance. There is no Day Four.
________
Unfortunately, Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I Was Available
