Our story takes place in New York City, home of the New York Knicks.
Scene One
{We see Christmas cheer in the air, as people are decorating houses, making Christmas cookies, and there are Santas all over the place.
On a nearby basketball court, the Knicks are practicing for their big NBA basketball game.
Number 25 is Ebenezer Scrooge, Number 20 is Bob Cratchitt, and Number 4 is Ebenezer’s nephew, Peter.
They are shooting free throws to prepare for Christmas Day’s big game.}
Peter: Merry Christmas Eve, guys!
Cratchitt: Likewise, Peter!
Ebenezer: {Not amused.} Bah! Humbug!
Cratchitt: {Shocked.} Ebenezer! Humbug? At Christmas?
Ebenezer: Never cared for Christmas. Never will.
Peter: Well, I think you should appreciate that you even get to spend Christmas with everyone this year. Remember what happened last year.
Christmas? {Peter shoots a hoop.} Yeah!!!!
Ebenezer: Yeah. Last Christmas is exactly why I hate Christmas now. OK? So I still say Bah, humbug!
Cratchitt: Well, I assume that you’ll still give to charity, won’t you?
Ebenezer: {Irritated.} Look! Do I look like Santa Claus to you?! No! I am a four-time NBA MVP! I don’t care about Christmas! I most certainly don’t care about giving, either! End of discussion! See ya!
{Ebenezer walks off the court and stomps home.}
Peter: {Calling after him.} I still wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! {To Cratchitt.} Why does Uncle Ebenezer always have to ruin Christmas?
Cratchitt: I don’t know, dude. I don’t know at all.
Scene Two
The second scene opens in Central Park. In a rage, grumpy Ebenezer Scrooge stomps home.
Ebenezer: {Angry.} Who do those guys think they are?! I’m an NBA player! Christmas isn’t important! Playing basketball is important!
Santa: {Ringing the Salvation Army bell.} Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, Ebenezer! Do you want to donate to the Salvation Army?
Ebenezer: {Mad.} Do you think I have time to donate to a stupid man ringing a bell?! No! I have a basketball game tomorrow, and I need to train. Humbug!
{Ebenezer takes Santa’s bell and throws it into the lake. Jacob Marley, number 45, notices and walks up to Ebenezer.}
Jacob: What did you do that for, Ebenezer?!
Ebenezer: {Shocked.} Jacob! What are you doing here?
Jacob: I was going to the court to practice for tomorrow’s game. But, then, I noticed that you don’t have the Christmas spirit. Why?
Ebenezer: I just don’t care for it. Basketball is more important.
Jacob: NO! The Christmas spirit is more important. Last Christmas, I almost died of an overdose of ketamine. I was a scumbag to everyone, which taught me how important it is to have the Christmas spirit. I don’t want you to go through what I went through.
Ebenezer: What are you gonna do?
Jacob: Well, this year, I got into Scientology. I’ll use Scientology powers to summon three spirits–Past, Present, and Future. It helps teach the true meaning of Christmas. Expect the first one to come to you. It will happen in Times Square.
Scene Three
Scene Three opens in Times Square. Ebenezer notices a guitarist playing Jingle Bells, and he snaps.
Ebenezer: {On his boiling point.} You! I hate carols! I’m an NBA legend! Christmas isn’t important! Basketball is! Humbug!
{Ebenezer picks up the guitar and smashes it. As soon as he finishes, he notices the guitar’s name says ‘Past.’ it’s the first spirit.}
Past: Hello, Ebenezer. I’ve been expecting you. I am your past.
Ebenezer: {Anxious.} No! This must be a mistake. A coincidence. It has to be!
Past: Nope. I’m here! You are coming with me to a Christmas from your past.
{Past and Ebenezer go back in time to when Ebenezer was 13, playing basketball on a court.}
Past: Remember this Christmas?
Ebenezer: Yeah. I was 13, and all I wanted was to be the next Kobe Bryant. I spent every day practicing the game. {He sees his younger self throw a basket.} Go, young me!!!
{Just then, three rude bikers park onto the court where young Ebenezer is playing.}
Biker One: Yo! Some brat is on our court!
Young Ebenezer: What do you guys want?
Biker Two: Shouldn’t you be writing a letter to Santa, boy?
Biker Three: Not that it matters. Santa was invented so they could sell Coke.
Young Ebenezer: Uh….. I can live with that.
Biker One: Get off our court!
{Young Ebenezer walks off the court as the bikers laugh at him.}
Past: This contributed to you losing your Christmas spirit … slowly. But this is last Christmas, where you lost it all.
{Past and Ebenezer go forward in time to the Christmas before the events of this movie,
where we see Ebenezer and Cratchitt in an Irish pub.}
Past: Remember this day?
Ebenezer: Yeah. My date with Lorelai.
{Lorelai walks into the pub and sits down. She looks stressed.}
Lorelai: Thanks for coming, guys.
Cratchitt: What is this about?
Lorelai: Ebenezer, you are gonna be a dad.
Ebenezer: {Spitting out his champagne.} What?! No! I can’t have a kid! I’m a four-time NBA MVP! I got a career to focus on! If you think I’m raising a kid, you’re wrong!
Lorelai: Wow! I had no idea you were this much of a jerk. G o o d b y e!
{Lorelai leaves. The other Ebenezer looks at the last Christmas Ebenezer in shock.}
Ebenezer: Why did I yell at her like that?
Past: You were too focused on playing basketball to enjoy Christmas. That included miracles like that.
Gangster: {To the last Christmas Ebenezer.} What was that for, bro?! You don’t tell at a woman like that, bro?! I’m gonna beat you up right now!
Ebenezer: Let’s rumble, mate!
{The last Christmas, Ebenezer and the gangster fight, and the cops are called. Ebenezer and Past go to the jail,
where the Last Christmas Ebenezer is being held.}
Past: As a result of that fight, you spent last Christmas in jail.
{The last Christmas, Ebenezer is planning his next move for the NBA in the shower when he drops the soap. A fat man walks up to him.}
Past: That was…
Ebenezer: {Interrupting.} Head Huncho. Yeah. I got that. Very mean.
Head Huncho: Pick up that soap, bro!
Ebenezer: I am a celebrity on the court. I’m not picking up any soap. You do it!
{Head Huncho beats Last Christmas Ebenezer up. Past and Ebenezer go back to modern times at Rockefeller Center.}
Past: Now, you know what your past looks like. The next spirit will meet you here at Rockefeller Center. See ya! I got to shoot some hoops.
{Past leaves. Ebenezer looks in awe.}
Ebenezer: OK. I have nothing else going in, and skating is a good way to train for tomorrow, and this is real. So I might as well skate and stay until the next spirit comes.
{Ebenezer proceeds to figure skate. But our story isn’t done yet.
{The Present is about to open Ebenezer’s eyes further.}
Scene Four
Scene Four opens at Rockefeller Center. Ebenezer continues to figure skate.
Ebenezer: This is pretty nice. Maybe today didn’t go bad after all.
{Just then, paparazzi are seen skating to get Ebenezer to answer their questions about tomorrow’s big basketball game.}
Reporter One: Ebenezer! What can we expect from tomorrow’s game?
Ebenezer: Well, you can expect the best. The Knicks have been doing well this season, so I think we have a shot at the finals this year.
TMZ Reporter: Ebenezer! Will you be donating to charity this Christmas?
Ebenezer: {Angry.} No, no, no! Time out! For the last time, basketball is more important! Humbug!
{Ebenezer takes the TMZ Reporter’s camera and stomps on it. He notices the name on the camera is Present.}
Present: Hello, Ebenezer. I am your Present. Your right now.
Ebenezer: Let me guess: You are gonna show me what’s happening right now.
Present: Pretty much. Let’s go to your old friend, Head Huncho, first.
{Present and Ebenezer go to the jail where Ebenezer spent last Christmas.
Head Huncho is seen in his cell, on his phone, looking angry.}
Head Huncho: {Angry.} Who does Ebenezer think he is?!?!?! Look what he put on Twitter about me!
{Huncho tosses his phone to a cop.}
Cop: {Reading the Tweet.} That dude, Head Huncho, just took his nickname from Quavo. #retard.
Head Huncho: When I see that basketball player, I’m gonna smack him so hard, he’ll open a Gmail account to eat the Spam!
Present: So, you like Twitter?
Ebenezer: Oh, come on!!! I was teasing him! Show me something else!
{Present and Ebenezer go to Casa Bonita in Colorado, where Cratchitt and his family are having Christmas dinner.}
Ebenezer: {Looking at Cratchitt’s dinner.} Lucky! I’m on a diet, so I can’t have Casa Bonita! {Notices that the family looks sad.} But why do they look sad? Casa Bonita is the Disneyland of Mexican restaurants.
Present: Listen closely.
Cratchitt: I know this isn’t the best Christmas dinner ever, but what do you expect? Granny and Grandpa have COVID-19, so we can’t go there this year.
Ebenezer: I didn’t know his parents had COVID.
Cratchitt: {Holding his son, who is sick.} You ready to eat, Tim?
Tim: Yes, Pa. {Coughs.} Hopefully, this scarlet fever goes away soon.
Ebenezer: I didn’t know his son had scarlet fever. Present, will the boy live?
Present: No. His parents try to make him better, but it gets worst and worst on the regular. He should be gone by next Christmas.
Cratchitt: To the Knicks and Ebenezer.
Cratchitt’s wife: {Spits out her whisky.} What?!?! That brute of a basketball player?!?! He’s mean to you, 24/7/365, babe!
Cratchitt: I know, I know. But he has good in him. I still care for him and want him to have a good Christmas. Is that an OK thing to want?
All: Yes!
Ebenezer: Even though I was mean to him, he still wants to include me in his Christmas dinner.
Present: Now, let’s go to someone who hates you. Peter.
{Present and Ebenezer go to Peter’s mansion, where he is fuming.}
Peter: Humbug?!?! I’ll show him a humbug! Where to stuff it, that is! Brute! All I do is help him, only for him to be mean to me!
Ebenezer: What have I done?
Present: Hurt those you love over the game of basketball. But hey: It’s more important, right?
Ebenezer: Did you use what I said against me?
Present: Yes. In fact, we are in the Bronx, where you will meet the final spirit. See you.
{Present leaves and Ebenezer will soon learn what his fate will be unless he gets it together.
Scene Five
Scene Five opens in The Bronx. Ebenezer is sitting on a bench, reflecting on what the previous two spirits were trying to tell him.
Ebenezer: I’m a five-time NBA MVP. I should know what they were talking about. What they were trying to warn me about?
{Just then, a Santa Claus walks up to him, his hat saying ‘Future.’}
Ebenezer: So you are my Christmas Future?
Future: Yes. I am here to show you what will happen if you keep focusing 100% on basketball.
Ebenezer: Well, here we go again.
{Future and Ebenezer fast forward in time to the future Christmas. They are in a comedy club.}
Ebenezer: Wow. Wine, food, and entertainment: this is my type of place.
{Notices Head Huncho taking the stage.}
Ebenezer: Oh. him again!
Future: Yes! He gets out of jail around this time. He always wanted to be a comedian, and this is his debut gig.
Head Huncho: Greetings, everyone. I’m sure you heard of the death of Ebenezer Scrooge. He died all alone today in a hotel room of a ketamine overdose. Well, that suits him well. I would have beaten him so hard that the ducks at the pond would throw bread at him!
{Everyone in the audience laughs at the joke.}
Head Huncho: But seriously, he was a scumbag and a brute! He was too focused on basketball to be nice to anyone. I would’ve slapped him so hard. He would’ve gone to KFC to lick other people’s fingers!
{The audience laughs at the second joke. Ebenezer looks in horror at the act.}
Ebenezer: So I would be dead in this timeline?
Future: Yes. But let’s see your friend, Cratchitt. He’s experiencing his own loss.
{Ebenezer and Future go to a graveyard. Cratchitt and his family are crying, mourning the loss of Tim.}
Future: They didn’t have enough money to save him. The pandemic took away their paycheck. He had to be put down.
Ebenezer: No. No. No! {He notices a grave.} Who’s grave is that?!?!?
Future: It’s yours!
{Future pushes Ebenezer into the open grave.
Ebenezer looks at his corpse in horror and screams at the top of his lungs.
Past and Present walk up to the grave.}
Past and Present: Did we miss much?
Future: No, you didn’t, guys.
Ebenezer: Past! Present! Future! Please! I know I’m not perfect, but I deserve another chance! I don’t want this to be my future!!!! I’ll divide my time between basketball and family! I’ll honor all three of you guys all year long!!!! Don’t let this be my future!!!!
{Ebenezer starts crying into a cup. Future grabs the cup and drinks from it as ‘Creep’ by Radiohead plays in the background.}
Past: To change, you have to want to start now.
Present: We know you can do it.
Future: We wish you the best of luck, Ebenezer.
{Will Ebenezer change? Find out in the final scene.}
Closing Scene
The final scene opens in Ebenezer’s house. Asleep, he awakes.
Ebenezer: What happened? {He remembers Christmas Eve.} I’m alive. I’m still here. I’ve got to start being generous now!
{Ebenezer picks up the phone and calls his favorite pizza place.}
Pizza man: Hello.
Ebenezer: Young man. Can you tell me what today is?
Pizza man: Why it’s Christmas day!
Ebenezer: Yes! They did it! They changed me in one night! Listen. Are you guys still selling the Griswold Family pizza?
Pizza man: The one that’s the biggest pepperoni pizza? Yeah.
Ebenezer: I want you to take it to Cratchitt’s home in Brooklyn. I’ll pay for it.
Pizza man: OK.
{Ebenezer hangs up and starts walking to the court for the big basketball game, with a few stops along the way.
First, to the jail, where Head Huncho is being held.}
Head Huncho: {Suprised.} Ebenezer?
Ebenezer: I bailed you out. Merry Christmas. I’m sorry for making fun of you on Twitter.
Head Huncho: I forgave you long ago, man.
{Next, it’s to Lorelai’s house.}
Ebenezer: Lorelai, I’m so sorry I ever yelled at you! I’ll be the best father I can be!
Lorelai: I forgive you. {She shows Ebenezer his kids.} What do you want to name them? I was saving the names for you.
Ebenezer: LeBron and Angela.
Lorelai: OK. I’m glad you’re nicer now.
{Lorelai and Ebenezer kiss. Ebenezer arrives at the court and notices Santa Claus from Scene Two.}
Ebenezer: {Putting money in the jar.} Here is $100,000 for the cause. I’m sorry about the other day.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Thank you, Ebenezer!
{Cratchitt arrives.}
Cratchitt: Sorry I’m late, Ebenezer.
Ebenezer: Well, well, well. Do you like showing up late to games? I won’t stand for it! So I’ll give you a million dollars! {He starts laughing.} Merry Christmas, Cratchitt! I am aware of your family’s situation, and I want to help in any way I can.
Cratchitt: Thank you, Ebenezer! Thank you very much!
{Peter shows up.}
Ebenezer: Peter. I know you probably hate my guts, I know I haven’t been a good uncle, but I still love you more than anything. This is a $2,000,000 Rolex for you. Merry Christmas.
Peter: {Admiring the watch.} Thank you, Uncle Ebenezer!
Ebenezer: Now. Let’s play ball!
{The tournament begins as In My Hands by Zero 9:36 starts playing during the credits.
The post-credits scene is Tim staring at the screen.}
Tim: God bless us, everyone.
{End}
