Moves here. Danny. I’m the guy who created the great Dan Hurley Headbutt Dance. Today, I’m writing about news, big news, too. (Cover photo courtesy @CuffsTheLegend on X)
Geno Auriemma, yes, the legendary UConn women’s basketball coach, called little ole’ me. He was pissed at me, and he didn’t even know my name. His call went straight to voicemail, and he left a message.
If my army of reps gives me the green light, I’ll post the audio later. Here’s the transcribed version.
Photo courtesy @CuffsTheLegend on X
Who is this? Danny Lawnmower? Whatever your freakin’ name is, you should get your head out of your ass! You give Hurley a dance, and you give me squat. What are you going to do next, Lawnmover? Give Dawn Staley some moves? What do I have to do for a dance? Haven’t I done enough? When I showed up in Storrs more than forty decades ago, it was a dump with one diner. Seriously. And I’ve been butting heads my entire friggin’ lifetime. I’ve won 12 nattys. A Final Four appearance is a friggin’ down year here. [Sigh.] I get it. I’m not as light as I used to be.
My hair no longer has Travolta fullness. But Travolta no longer has Travolta fullness. But I still got some juice. You probably missed my little giddy up routine on the post-game podium. It was friggin’ awesome. Look, Lawnmower, I’m willing to give you a shot at designing a routine for me. But know this: I’m more flexible than meets the eye. Also know this: I’m not wearing a tutu. I know we’re all evolving in this day and age, but that’s a bridge too far. Lastly,
I don’t want to dance like a girl. I don’t allow my own players to dance like girls. Look forward to your call. I’ll take you out for a donut in Storrs. We now have three shops. They added two since I got here.
Progress, please. I need a friggin’ dance! Pronto! There’s no way in the world I’m going to let Hurley beat me. Not in this lifetime!
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available.
