Moves, here. Danny Moves. Dancing can help you win in athletics, and it’s also good for your love life. (Hear that, Mike Vrabel. I mean pertaining to married life, AKA your wife. Capiche?)
Once in a while my mind wanders. In this case, I’ve been mulling over Patriots coach Mike Vrabel’s emergency marriage summit, which he attended this past spring with his wife.
Mike (scratching his head) and spouse Jen (photo courtesy Yahoo!)
He was recently asked about it at a press conference, and he gave a non-answer, providing absolutely no insight into the emergency marriage summit process. As it stands now, the emergency marriage summit is shrouded in mystery. I know more about Deflategate.
Look, let’s be clear: Moves is not being wise here. I’m genuinely interested in this mystical process. I’m sure many others are as well, particularly the ones who can’t afford it.
I have many questions about this matter.
–What goes on at the emergency marriage summit?
–Do you meditate and take copious amounts of Ayahuasca?
–Do they hypnotize you and make you recite a pledge? “I will be with yours for eternity.”
–What kind of activities are there? Are there couples massages as they do on reality shows?
–Do they provide domesticity tips like whether to leave the seat up or down?
–Do they coach you on what to say if your spouse requests an evaluation of their rear end?
–Do they provide advice on anniversary gifts?
I strongly advise adding dancing to fix what ails you (plural). Dancing breeds teamwork. Moves win games. Here’s proof: the legendary Knute Rockne of Notre Dame fame got inspiration from a dance line to design his famous “Box Offense.” Offensive linemen would sway one way (to dupe the defense), and then immediately pivot the other way to run the play.
Besides sports, I believe dancing saves marriages. A little or a lot of cha cha could put many a divorce attorney out of business. It is the “Fountain of Youth of Monogamy.” (© copyright, Danny Moves)
See! You got more answers from me than we all got from Vrabel. But the big question is whether Mike will take my answers to heart and practice them accordingly. Win more games, and save your union. That’s the ticket!
Danny Moves
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available.
