As much as he dreamed and gave it the good-ole college (or high school) try, Greg Larson never made it as a ballplayer. However, he lived the minor league baseball dream … well, not exactly … and then wrote a book, Clubbie.
For two seasons, 2012 and 2013, Larson, then a recent college graduate, worked as a clubhouse attendant for the short-season, Single-A Aberdeen IronBirds, a Baltimore Orioles affiliate. The IronBirds are partially owned by Orioles iron man Cal Ripken Jr., who makes a brief, insignificant cameo.
Larson with his book (photo courtesy Baltimore Sun)
Larson’s seasonal gig is essentially that of team mom. He prepares pre- and post-game meals, cleans the uniforms, as well as the toilets, and puts up with a lot of adolescent nonsense. In one episode, Larson is dared to kiss another player.
Most of the IronBirds are just out of high school. For his efforts, Larson collects $7 from each player and coach for each home game, which is a lot considering the players make less than minimum wage.
Maybe it’s just me, but it seemed wrong that the Orioles made the players pay for their ballpark meals, often leftover, unhealthy scraps from the stadium’s catering concession.
But in Clubbie, everyone’s vying for scraps. By Larson’s second season – when he’s living in the stadium equipment room – Larson has become somewhat of an operator, mislabeling broken bats so that they’ll be more appealing for unsuspecting fans at the team’s souvenir shop.
Photo courtesy Beckett Marketplace
Aberdeen, a baseball purgatory, is no one’s destination. The players, as well as the coaches, it’s “The Show” or bust.
As for Larson, who is struggling to keep a long-distance relationship afloat, he is trying to figure out what he’s going to do with his life. Mike Yastrzemski, Carl’s grandson, is one of the players for whom he prepares pre-game pineapple cubes and PB & J sandwiches. As for the others, you probably never heard of ‘em.
However, you might have heard of Alan Mills, Aberdeen’s pitching coach. Mills had a long, relatively successful career in the majors. But he’s probably best known for his brawling and perhaps his Fu Manchu moustache. Imagine if Mike Singletary were a pitcher. Mills once punched Daryl Strawberry. In another 1993 brawl, he took on multiple Seattle Mariners players.
As a minor league coach, Mills still had a wild look in his eye and a menacing way. He refers to Larson as “meat,” which is what Kevin Costner referred to Tim Robbins in the classic movie Bull Durham, which quite memorably chronicled the minor league baseball experience. Whenever Mills makes an appearance, he pops off the page.
Like Bull Durham, Clubbie is bittersweet, but it throws a lot of strikes as far as capturing the malaise of minor league ball.
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available.
