Aloha! Jeff Spicoli here from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yeah, I’m in Hawaii these days, but I remember snow and Snow Days. My favorite! So I have a message for Mayor M and all you people from NYC, especially the kids: his decision to keep schools open on Monday is absolutely bogus.
I’m a live-and-let-live dude, and I’ve been keeping a low profile. But no longer, friends. I speak now because Mayor M.’s Monday should be a full-blown Snow Day. No classes, absolutely nothing remote. Let’s shut it all down and embrace nature’s gorgeous white flakes falling from the heavens, and embrace the moment.
When’s the last time we did that?
Photo courtesy YouTube
It’ll be the greatest natural high, even better than some tasty waves and a cool buzz, which is legal now, by the way. But Mayor M. knows all this. During his press conference, he smiled wistfully as he explained that Snow Days were among his greatest childhood memories.
Why is Mayor M. ignoring his best instincts and depriving our youth of their greatest memories? Frankly, I think that Mayor M. is getting some bogus advice, so I’m stepping up and appointing myself to be his Snow Day czar. Here’s my one and perhaps final piece of advice as his self-appointed consigliere.
Monday should be an unofficial holiday.
When was the last Snow Day? What, ten years ago? I’m no climatologist, but who knows when another snowmageddon will rock our world? Back in Southern California, of course, there were no snow days, so I was forced to assign myself surf days, yes, unsanctioned. Anyway, let’s cherish this moment.
After he made his no Snow Day declaration, Mayor M. explained that his hands were tied. I don’t know for sure, but I think he mentioned the state mandating a certain number of school days, and that too many were missed during COVID.
Photo courtesy YouTube
Why? Why are you being such a Debbie Downer and bringing up the pandemic when we should be celebrating a glorious Snow Day, Mayor M.?
Soon enough, the streets will be cleared and filthy once again, and there’ll be plenty of time for learning or pretending to. Does one, two, or even a week make that much difference? I speak from experience. Quality goes a lot further than quantity. I can’t tell you how much I learned in that one hour before the prom with Mr. Hand. And remember, Mr. Hand, who was very tough, allowed me to go to the prom, eventually. You, Mayor M., should grant a Snow Day.
Look, you made a mistake. I understand what that’s like. But now, I’m a better man, and I’m your self-appointed, unsalaried Snow Day czar, and I’m granting you a do-over. There’s still time. You can and should reverse your decision and declare a Snow Day.
Just in case you’re wondering what I’m up to, here’s a quick rundown. After pro surfing didn’t pan out, I needed a fresh start and headed east. Since I haven’t been just squeaking by. Actually, I’ve been excelling. I work every day… as a substitute teacher. I prefer subbing over being a full-time teacher.
I like to think that I’m the ER of the education system. When there’s no one else, I’m there. As a sub, I don’t limit myself or the possibilities. I meet more people, and the students are more relaxed. And, in all honesty, they expect nothing from me, and I deliver more, well, at least a little. Anyway, it’s a win, win, and everyone winds up learning something… or at least getting time away from their phones.
Not bad for the kid of a TV repairman, right? Aloha. Enjoy the snow.
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available.
lol 🤪 another funny piece. Thanks for making me laugh on this snow day. Read Unfortunately and laugh even more!!