Last year, Netflix broadcast one of the wildest comedy shows ever: the Tom Brady roast. Here’s a quick rundown of the winners and losers from the three-hour affair.
For the uninformed, a roast is a get-together to make fun of someone or anyone who happens to be there. Kevin Hart hosted the shenanigans, which included sets from a motley crew of comics, ex-jocks, and actors. It was all extremely raunchy, rude, and hilarious.
WINNERS
Photo courtesy PureWow
Kevin Hart was incredibly likable, even when he was sniping insults. Amidst the chaos, he transformed the Kia Forum into an intimate nightclub. Somewhat remarkably, he even managed to bring Patriots owner Robert Kraft and ex-Patriots coach Bill Belichick together for a round of shots. They looked miserable doing it, but they did it.
Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski deserves his own sitcom or variety show. He’s a natural jokester, especially when he’s lit, which he definitely was on this night. He even ad-libbed a few jokes in his homoerotic heavy set. Following his performance, he spiked his shot glass, a scripted act. Fortunately, no one was maimed.
Comic Nikki Glaser has probably made a fortune from this evening. When she mimicked “Gronk” discussing cryptocurrency, she deservedly brought the house down.
Drew returns to the spotlight (photo courtesy MARCA)
Drew Bledsoe, the man Tom Brady replaced, wasn’t the funniest. He also took a beating from the panel of roasters and was a fantastic sport about it. Conspicuously ringless wide receiver Randy Moss was also a heck of a good sport, too.
Even though he loses points for making a lame crack about Patriots owner Robert Kraft’s funeral, wide receiver Julian Edelman is a natural performer. He probably won over legions of podcast listeners with his strong set, which included a hilarious Bill Belichick impression.
Kill Tony host Tony Hinchcliffe had one of the funniest, most underrated lines of the night. “Hey Tom, this is great. Nice shoes, b—-! Did you win those in the divorce?!” Tony is hilarious. But there was no need to take a jab at Aaron Hernandez.
LOSERS
Kim Kardashian looked like someone was holding a gun to her head during her set. Besides a Tony Hinchcliffe swipe, she was relatively unscathed. Perhaps her contract put a limit on the number of zingers that would come her way.
Photo courtesy Mercury News
Ben Affleck (photo to the left) showed up, did his unfunny set, and left the building. Lame! He was way too sober and serious. He would’ve preferred to be at the Democratic Convention.
Jeff Ross is the best in the roast game, but Tom Brady almost pulled a Will Smith on him when he brought up Kraft’s massage episode. It was barely even a joke, definitely not worth it.
Tom Brady was paid a fortune to be roasted, but he regrets it. His ex, Gisele, took a beating during the proceedings.
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available illustrated by Coverkitchen.
