Recently, a projected billion watched the FIFA 2026 World Cup draw, which originated from the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Unsuspecting viewers were subjected to the cringeworthy spectacle. As is his wont, President Trump stole the show, including speculating on a name change for our most popular sport. Please no!
It took an interminable amount of time to commence the actual draw. Onlookers had to endure poorly delivered jokes and interviews so banal that I was glad some were in an indecipherable foreign language.
Except for some humor from President Trump, the draw itself was anticlimactic. This tournament has been expanded to 48 teams, which entails a bunch of meaningless mismatches. For example, powerhouse Spain will play minnow Curaçao in the group stage. If anything, given their Caribbean location (just north of Venezuela), I thought they’d play cricket.
Still, it turns out they have Dutch ties (functioning as an autonomous constituent country), so soccer it is. Or should it be called Footie?
FIFA (soccer’s world governing body) conjured some convoluted rules to ensure that competitive rivalries were avoided in the opening stages of the tournament. Previous World Cup draws might produce a mouth-watering “Group of Death,” but not this one. Each group consists of four teams, and even eight of the 12 third-place teams will qualify for the next round. Perhaps neutrals can hope for a couple of exciting upsets, but if any fancied team doesn’t progress, they can deservedly depart in shame.
No matter one’s political inclinations, President Trump’s attendance added some intermittent interest to the otherwise dire proceedings. He received the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize, though the theme of “football uniting the world” is dubious. Internationally, and domestically, it often divides fans into tribal-like gangs.
Photo courtesy BBC
Curiously, in his acceptance speech, Trump suggested that our American football be renamed to conform to the rest of the world: we call it soccer, they call it football. I beg to differ; they must bend to us.
Kickers in the NFL account for about 25% of scored points. Kickers dominate the NFL’s all-time scoring list. Field goals very often culminate in game-winning drives. So, in a certain sense, much of the game is played to set up “football,” if you please. Besides, on a much more somber note, we have the nuclear footballs. What are we going to rename them? The nuclear pigskin? The Doomsday briefcase? No way – football remains.
In his inimitable style, President Trump often floats ideas that seem to gain momentum, but instead of advancing down the field, renaming our American Football should be sacked for a loss.
If there’s to be any renaming, the rest of the world will have to call their version of football “footie,” because Fútbol sounds too much like ours. FIFA president Infantino likes to please Trump, but they wouldn’t even have to change their acronym: Fédération Internationale de Footie Association. How obvious is that?
“Kickball” is another option, except that’s already taken. Besides, “Footie” has a sort of soft, almost fuzzy connotation. That’d be in keeping with many of the prima donna players these days who trip over their footie when merely breathed upon heavily by an opposing player.
