What type of fan are you? Read on and find out. (There won’t be a quiz!)
ANGRY: Regardless of the scenario, this enthusiast is consistently livid. When their team wins, they didn’t win the right way. When the team loses, well, don’t even go there.
ACTIVE: While the game is underway, this supporter has their own game going on. They could be keeping score, or they might be trying to catch a foul ball, no easy feat. No, texting doesn’t count as active.
DANCING: They live to boogie for the camera. When the music blasts over the PA, this exhibitionistic feels inspired to always bust a move.
DELUSIONAL: Regardless of how far fetched the scenario, this diehard thinks that their team has a shot to achieve the impossible.
DEVISTATED: This backer can do nothing but fixate on the loss, that is until the next game.
DRUNKEN: This individual spends more time tracking down the beer guy or stand than watching the action. No surprise, this fiend is prone to yell stupid stuff.
ENTITLED: Simply, this person expects to win every time out. Victory is inevitable, the game merely a speed bump.
GOLIATH: 24/7/365 fair weather. They root strictly for favorites that win almost 24/7/365. Annoying.
FAIR WEATHER: When the going is good, this specimen is front and center. When things aren’t, they’re MIA.
FAMOUS: They’re right next to the action. Think Jack Nicholson, Spike Lee. If you’re a nobody but are sitting nearby, consider yourself “almost famous.”
HISTORY: They’re more interested in the past. Who cares about now! What happened a decade or a hundred years ago?
HERMIT: A virtual island, this quirky one never attends actual games. In their cave, they sit alone and listen to games intermittently talking back to the broadcast. They incessantly read their team message boards but don’t participate. When their team wins, not surprisingly, no one congratulates them.
MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK: This cumudgeon always second guesses the coach – win, lose or draw.
NOSTALGIC: This devotee roots for, or more accurately, pines for a team that no longer exists. Think Brooklyn Dodgers or the Seattle Supersonics.
REAL: Win, lose, tie, rain, sleet or snow, this fanatic shows up. They show up early and stay late. They’re respectful and appreciate the game. They’re knowledgeable and know what they’re talking about. Rare!
SHIRTLESS: This exhibitionist lives to be seen. When the television cameras disappear, they go MIA. Cameron Crazies: hello!
SUPERSTITIOUS: This individual truly believes that their behavior has an effect on the game’s outcome. For instance, someone might actually believe that if they don’t sit in the exact same seat, their team has no shot.
UNDERDOG: This supporter shouldn’t leave home without a slingshot. In the David versus Goliath scenario, they’re always rooting for David.
WEALTHY: This fan will never sit in the cheap seats. They’re always in a prime location, probably a luxury box, strictly waiter service. They come late. They dine. Maybe, just maybe they watch a play or two. Perhaps they chit chat with someone they want to do business with. And then they promptly leave early, so they can beat traffic. But they don’t drive. A car service picks them up.
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Jon Hart is the author of Unfortunately, I was available. Illustrated by Coverkitchen
