While it’s hard to commend trash talk in general, a verse in the Bible seems to encourage a good comeback: “Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes” (Proverbs 26:5).
For better or worse, trash talk will always be with us in sports. It is by definition disrespectful, but sometimes pretty funny. Here are my favorites; some are not trash, just extremely confident.
In 1988, after dunking on 6’1” John Stockton, Michael Jordan heard Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller tell him to jump over someone his own size. So the next possession, he dunked over 6’11” center Melvin Turpin. Jordan asked Miller, “Was he big enough?”
After legendary footballer Pelé said that Diego Maradona “accepted the job of national coach because he needed the money, Maradona responded, “Pelé should go back to the museum and stay there.”
Bo Jackson: “If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn’t the same as the one I was wearing, I’d run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.”
Michael Jordan (23) and Scottie Pippen (photo courtesy NBA.com)
On a Sunday night in Game 1 of the 1997 NBA Finals between the Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz, as Karl Malone stepped to the line for two free throws with 9.2 seconds left and the score tied, Scottie Pippen whispered in his ear that the Mailman (Malone’s nickname) doesn’t deliver on Sundays. Malone clanked both free throws, Chicago rebounded the second miss, and Michael Jordan hit a last-second jump shot to give the Bulls the win.
In response to Chicago Blackhawks Jeremy Roenick questioning “where [Roy] was in Game 3″ in the 1996 Western Conference Finals, legendary Colorado Avalanche goalie Patrick Roy said, “I can’t really hear what Jeremy says, because I’ve got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.” Roy’s Avalanche proceeded to beat the Blackhawks in six games and went on to win the Stanley Cup.
Chad Ochocinco (aka Chad Johnson) issued Rule #1059, which he claimed “somehow gets overlooked.” It reads, “It is against NFL policy to cover Chad Ochocinco man-to-man. It has always been a rule, but with the events of last year, we must have forgotten who he was. Please note that he is still the most uncoverable receiver in the league. This rule is for the safety of embarrassment to all defensive backs.”
Mike Ditka’s take on journalism: “What’s the difference between a three-week-old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.”
Bonds admiring a homer (photo courtesy The New York Times)
Barry Bonds: “I’m not arrogant. I’m good.”
Dizzy Dean, the only National League pitcher to win 30 games in the post-1920 live ball era, predicted before the 1934 season that he and his brother Paul would collectively win 45 games. They did. Dean: “It ain’t braggin’ if you can back it up.”
Muhammad Ali, then Cassius Clay, before he defeated Sonny Liston for the heavyweight championship in 1964: “Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee…his hands can’t hit what his eyes can’t see.”
Quarterback Jim McMahon, while on the Chicago Bears: “Who do I think the Bears should draft? I think the Bears should draft a new owner.”
Satchel Paige: “I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain’t never been seen by this generation.”
When a reporter asked NBA gunner Antoine Walker why he took so many three-point shots, he replied, “Because there are no fours.”
NHL announcer Pat Foley: “If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’ll seem like forever.”
Texas A&M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf to a player who had received four “F’s” and a “D”: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
Rickey Henderson (photo, The Shadow League)
When Ken Caminiti stated that 50 percent of baseball players used steroids, a journalist asked Rickey Henderson’s opinion on the estimate. Henderson replied, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”
NBA guard Walt Williams: “I’ve been dunked on by [Vitaly] Potapenko and now [Zan] Tabak. The good part is that they don’t make posters of those guys.”
Muhammad Ali again: “I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.”
University of Florida football coach Steve Spurrier, when a fire broke out at Auburn’s football dorm and scorched 20 books: “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.”
Spurrier, after his South Carolina team blew out Kentucky, 51-3, said, “Kentucky has a heck of a punter, I know that.”
When DeShawn Stevenson called LeBron James “overrated,” LeBron didn’t bother to clap back, explaining, “It would be like Jay-Z responding to Soulja Boy.”
Photo courtesy The Daily Dot
Babe Ruth, after a reporter noted that he made $5,000 more than President Herbert Hoover in 1931: “Maybe so, but I had a better year than he did.” Ruth did have quite a year, hitting .373 with 46 homers and 162 RBIs, while the country under Hoover was slipping deeper into the Great Depression.
Shannon Sharpe, CBS analyst, on Baltimore Ravens Coach Brian Billick’s pledge to keep quarterback Kyle Boller as his starter when Boller returns from a toe injury: “I have a better chance of winning the Kentucky Derby on a donkey than you do of winning the Super Bowl with Boller as your quarterback.”
When the Los Angeles Lakers were thinking of hiring Mike Krzyzewski as head coach, Shaquille O’Neal commented, “Phil [Jackson] took us to the finals three out of the five years, and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man! That’s like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that’s 5’10’, 480 pounds.”
After the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Max Muncy hit a home run into San Francisco Bay off Madison Bumgarner, the pitcher thought Muncy spent too long admiring his blast and started yelling at him. Muncy shot back, “If you don’t like me watching the ball, you can go get it out of the ocean.”
