If you ever doubted that your mental, emotional, and spiritual state affects the physical, you need to read Barry Zito’s autobiography, Curveball. While that connection is played out on a big stage—Major League Baseball — the book sheds light on the inner demons that drive us all and the remedy.
Published by Thomas Nelson Books
Barry Zito had two strikes against him, so to speak. His father, Joseph, driven by a sense of shame at having been born via an incestuous relationship, needed to prove his value and worth to the outside world. Appearance was everything to Joseph, and Barry, whom he invested countless hours into perfecting his baseball ability, became his trophy.
Barry’s mother, Roberta, was raised in a religious science cult with New Age underpinnings, which taught that through positive affirmations, one could achieve anything through one’s own power, becoming, it said, “a unique individual Christ after the example of Jesus.” In other words, becoming your own God.
Those parental influences brought him initial success as he quickly climbed the baseball ladder, winning the Cy Young Award with the Oakland A’s in 2002 at the age of 24 with a record of 23-5 and a 2.75 ERA. But that success just produced pressure to win more Cy Young Awards. He wilted under the burden and struggled in succeeding seasons with the A’s.
However, when he became a free agent prior to the 2007 season, his resume was good enough to attract many bidders, including the San Francisco Giants, with whom he signed a seven-year contract worth $126 million, at the time the largest deal ever offered to a pitcher.
But now, with a new team to which he felt he had to prove himself, surrounded by teammates who were generally making far less, the pressure increased, and his performance suffered accordingly. He went 11-13 with a 4.53 ERA in 2007, but 2008 was even worse. By June 25, he was 2-11 with a 6.32 ERA. None of the positive affirmations was working. The hometown fans booed him even when he was standing in the outfield shagging batting practice. He ended the season 10-17 with a 5.15 ERA.
Zito improved slightly in 2009 but still had a losing record, 10-13, with an ERA over 4. He reached the nadir in 2010. After pitching well for the first six weeks, he began to focus again on trying to please everyone through his performance, which then cratered. He only won three of his next 26 games, losing 13 of them, finishing the season with a 9-14 record and a 4.15 ERA.
The Giants made the playoffs, but Giants manager Bruce Bochy told Zito he was leaving him off the postseason roster. Bochy invited him to accompany the team, but only if he wanted to. Commendably, Zito decided to stick with the team. However, he considered quitting after the season.
He called his dad and told him, “I’m thinking about quitting baseball. But first, I need to know: If I do, would you still love me, Dad?” As Zito describes the moment, “With one simple question, I was forcing my father’s hand. Was my well-being really his greatest concern? Or was there some darker, selfish motive driving him to be my personal coach and fiercely dedicated career manager over the last 25 years?”
His dad responded, “Well, Barry, that would not be a wise business decision. But of course, I’d still love you.” As Barry wrote, “The fact that Dad had led his answer with baseball and business instead of his love for me as his son said it all.”
Zito makes a startling admission in the book. He was rooting for the Giants to lose in the postseason so that his teammates and the fans would realize they should have kept him on the roster. As he wrote, “I was beginning to get an unfiltered glimpse of my own heart for the first time—and I did not like what I saw.”
He quotes this verse from the Old Testament: “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
That off-season, recognizing how much he needed the approval of others, he enrolled in a Codependency Anonymous group, which helped him to understand his need for a higher power. He was also impressed by how his girlfriend, Amber, prayed to God in a personal rather than ritualistic manner. In early 2011, he began attending church with her and was deeply impacted by the pastor’s messages. At one point, Amber walked into his home and saw Barry surrounded by self-help books, trying to glean knowledge from them all at once. She told him to lock all those books up and start reading just one—the Bible.
Photo courtesy USA Today
Barry took her advice and also attended his team’s Baseball Chapel meetings, where he confided in chaplain Jeff Iorg and asked many questions about Christianity. In August 2011, he prayed with Iorg and received Jesus into his heart and life.
This new relationship with God removed all the pressure to perform. He calls his new mindset his “bubble of control,” stating, “Once the ball left my hand, I had done all I could do and the rest was up to God.”
With that “bubble of control,” Zito saved the Giants in the 2012 postseason with a do-or-die eight-inning scoreless stint in a 5-0 win over the Cardinals, then defeated Justin Verlander and the Tigers in the first game of the World Series, which the Giants swept.
The fans, who had been so hostile, now showered him with love during the Giants’ celebratory parade. But what meant more to him were letters from fans expressing their appreciation for the character he displayed in handling his demotion prior to the 2010 playoffs. He and his dad also developed a warmer, loving relationship.
It’s a heartfelt and fascinating glimpse into how a great baseball player found peace in his life.
