Worship Ritual: A activities performed in a sequestered place according to set sequence.
Number 66709-341AW summoned the librarian again. Recently he had become interested in a planet nestled inside a galaxy more than 200 million light years away.
Number 66709-341AW: “Librarian, let me view that same primitive culture again, please. This time I want to watch in real time.”
Librarian: “Do you have any particular inhabitants or activities in mind, today, sir?”
Number 66709-341AW: “I think I’ll explore the temples again. There were a lot of strange, huge worship structures scattered across the land. Look! There’s one right there! Eighty thousand? Eighty thousand worshippers!
Librarian: “Excuse me sir, I don’t believe that is a house of worship.”
Courtesy: Patheos
Number 66709-341AW: “Sure it is, Librarian. Look at all the priests lined up there — half dressed in red and white, the others dressed in blue and gray. Look at those round headpieces they’re wearing!”
Librarian: “I don’t think those are priests, sir.”
Number 66709-341AW: “Of course they are! And the worshippers, do you hear them shouting? But what do those white lines on the green tapestry mean?”
Librarian: “I believe you are looking at a football stadium, sir.”
Number 66709-341AW: “Football? What kind of religion is football? See all those smoking shrines positioned about the outer courtyard. Are they incense? Burnt offerings?”
Librarian: “Sir, they call are called ‘tailgates.” Again, this is not a religious ceremony.”
Number 66709-341AW: “Now look! The worshippers inside the temple are jumping up-and-down raising their hands in worship. First one, group then another. What is that all about, Librarian?”
Librarian: “Sir, it’s called ‘The Wave.’
Number 66709-341AW: “One of the high priests wearing a striped tunic just blew his little trumpet. The whole worship frenzy stopped immediately. How about that!?”
Librarian: “That is a whistle, sir.”
Number 66709-341AW: “Now all those priestess ladies are doing their ritual dance. Do you see?”
Librarian: “Those are cheerleaders. ‘Cheer Leaders,’ sir, not priestesses.”
Courtesy: Etsy
Number 66709-341AW: “And that must be temple food the worshippers are eating. There …. What do they call that little morsel, right there? There are lots of those.”
Librarian: “They are called ‘hot dogs,’ sir.”
Number 66709-341AW: “They eat dogs! How primitive! Sacrificing their stomachs, I suppose. Look, now. The priests are all fighting. That must be a valuable temple implement, that funny-shaped brown pellet. All the priests in red are trying to take it away from that priest in blue. Why don’t they have one pellet for each priest?”
Librarian: “That is a ‘football,’ sir.”
Number 66709-341AW: “You must be mistaken, Librarian. I see thousands of the same worshippers today that you showed me the last time. This time they are just in a larger temple and they seem to be much more excited, don’t you think?”
Librarian: “Ah, yes, sir. I give up. I suppose you are correct.
Football must be a religion. And those must be football worshippers, after all.”
Number 66709-341AW: “Right, Librarian! I know a religion when I see one!”
________
The title of this article is adapted from Horace Miner’s, “Body Rituals of the Nacirema,” published in The American Anthropologist (1956).
